Vaginal Davis celebrity interview previews.
The following teaser interviews with Keanu Reeves, Eminem and Missy Elliot are from the upcoming book, Beware the Holy Whore ---celebrities shooting the breeze with retarded whore Vaginal Davis.
Keanu Reeves should hate me. I've made so much fun of him over the years to his face and in print that I've produced my own cottage industry. But the man has a good sense of humour and tries not to take himself or his career that seriously, which is one of the reasons he's survived Hollywood as long as he has. We're sitting in the Rendevous Court of Downtown LA's classic Biltmore Hotel having drinks on Keanu's dime (of course)
Vaginal Davis: Your band is horrible and I'm so glad your not deluded into thinking that it's something that it isn't. Am I being to mean?
Keanu Reeves: You're never mean Ms. Davis. My band is just what it is. I enjoy making music no matter what.
VD: What people don't know is that we use to share a rehearsal space in the early 90s when I was doing my concept band Cholita, the female Menudo. This real cheap place off of Melrose and Vermont that later became a dungeon, or maybe it was moonlighting as a dungeon even back then. The guy who owned it was a strangle little Asian man. Your band Dogstar rehearsed everyweek there before Cholita. Sometimes you went overtime and sometimes you quit early. Since you hardly ever bathe, I always knew it was you and the band by that musky smell you'd leave behind. Why is soap and water a stranger to you?
KR: (laughing) Oh I just forget sometimes to do what is most obvious. Yeah, those days were great. Sometimes I'd stay and watch you rehearse. There were so many of you in Cholita. I loved your dance moves.
VD: Thanks doll. Me and my music partner Glen Meadmore have become quite close with your mother Patrick Reeves. She is a trip. Such a society lady. She doesn't look old enough to be anyone's mother least of all yours and I love how she has all those young boyfriends coming in and out of her house in the Laughlin Park section of Los Feliz.
KR: My mother looks younger than I do.
VD: You're right. You can look pretty hagina at times. You look good today though, but you go up and down in weight and that takes its toll. I want to talk about your homosexual daliances---lets skip to the jaw dropping juicy shall we?
(read the rest of this interview when the book comes out----Beware the Holy Whore will only be available for purchase online on this very site----stay tuned for details.)
My sister girlfriend Missy "Misdemeanor" Elliot is one hot mack daddy mama. She is a mega-selling recording star and producer with her collab Timbaland. Her latest lp Under Construction is on my list as one of the top platters of the year. We got together in her limo to chortle before a trip to Michelle's Triple XXX -- the girly on girly strip show in Hollywood.
Vaginal Davis: Are you ready to see some nasty bitches work the proverbial pole?
Missy Elliot: Oh baby I've been wanting to go for so long, its going to be fun. I have my stack of five dolla bills.
VD: Aren't you high fallutin? I noticed you lost a lot of weight. Of course I prefer my women as big as possible, with meat hanging from coon to caint.
ME: So do I but for health reasons----high blood pressure ---I had to drop a few pounds.
VD: I love that song you do on the album with Beyonce'. It's so butch bottom trying to get her femme top to step out on her dull man and have what can only be described as a REAL time. Did Beyonce' get the drift of what the song is really about?
(you get to read her response when the book comes out)
It was almost impossible getting together with Eminem for an interview. Thats just how big he has become, and between both our superstar schedules I didn't think it would ever happen. Boy was I shocked and surprised when he comes to my MacArthur Park Studio and picks me up in a stretch monster truck with some Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles to munch on. Then he treats me to a spa treatment at the Ole Henrickson in West Hollywood.
Vaginal Davis: I didn're a facial products and treatment queen?
Eminem: I have acne
VD: Just a little post adolescent acne, its not like you're some kind of pizza face or something.
E: Seeing oneself on a giant screen with zits is . . .
VD: Oh I forgot about that. I still haven't seen your movie. Everyone I know tells me you're good in it, but its filmed in a very conventional way that isn't very exciting.
E: The director made me lose weight.
VD: Oh, that's strange. You've got a pretty sexy body. I hope my fawning over you doesn't embarrass (laughing). The last time I saw you was at the opening of the LA Moomba, but it was dark. Seeing you in the daytime close up -- you're really cute, short but cute. And you have pretty blue eyes that are very warm and inviting.
E: Thank you. You're not bad looking either. How old are you?
(Find out the answer to that often asked question when the book comes out)
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