Pages from Vaginal Davis' Diary
Saturday, August 21, 1999-
Hook up with Josept my Belgian production designer friend to go down to Laguna for the week-end. I'm really excited because I have the day off tomorrow from Club Sucker as we always close during the annual Sunset Junction Street Festival.
This year the fair is wrapped up in controversy because the little troll doll who rules the festy has been attacked by the business owners in the community for turning what is supposed to be a free event for Silverlake into his own private grift.
To those of us in the know that hardly comes as a surprise. Everyone has always wondered where all the money goes. Its supposed to be channeled into these programs for the Chicano kids in the area, but that's just in name only. The LA Weekly is covering the controversy this year, but they are a little late on the game.
I haven't gone to the Sunset Juntion in over five years, since my band Cholita performed at it. What's funny is that Michael McKinney the troll doll I mentioned above called me a few years ago saying that someone recommended me to be a host of one of the stages. I didn't like his voice over the phone and when I went to meet him I disliked him immediately even more. I heard a rumor that he was once Pristine Condition in the Cockettes, but I don't believe that. He's way to icky to have ever been a cockette. He looks like some faded glory hairdresser queen who I would never let touch my hair.
Anyway he gave me this story about how all the money for the festival goes to youth programs that he manages and all this crap about how he helps the community and I wasn't buying any of it. A true selfless person doesn't toot their own horn. I noticed in his office at the bottom of the Tsunami Coffee House that there were a lot of sexy young teenage Chicano boys hanging around. I think he uses the money from Sunset Junction to pay the hot cholos he fellates. Of course that is just my humble opinion. Bibbe Hansen and her husband Sean Carrillo own a thrift store in the Junction area and Sean even was on the Festival committee but quit because he saw that it was all a scam.
Anyway this McKinney creature was only paying $70 for me to host a stage from 12 noon to midnight most of which I'd be in drag in the hot August sun. In the words of the immortal Tony Ward, "No Thank You, Please"
So we arrive at downtown Laguna and we must be too late in the season because there aren't that many people. At least not the eye candy I was hoping for. Of course I see some buff surfer dudes but not the major amounts that I saw last year, my first time down in Laguna when Jeff Saures who worked for Strand Releasing at the time took me along with his icky boss Marcus Ho, I mean Hu. (He's one sticky little piece of rice who rubs me the wrong way) and Cooper from Outfest and Sundance Festival's who although he is very maintream oriented at least understands the underground. Marcus is a major priss and just too beougois for my taste.
Maybe there aren't that many people because we have had an unseasonably cool summer this year. Last year was relentless, but this year has been really mild. But summer isn't over yet so there may be some 100+ days in store for us, plus a lot of times Indian Summer packs a waloop.
We decide to get a bite to eat at this lil sweet Mexican Restaurant the name of which I can't remember, but on the patio they have a cute little wishing well fountain that warms my heart. I order a taquitos plate that is so delish and I have a Tecate. It's a little early for liquor, but so what I'm an alcoholic. The owner of the restaurant speaks Spanish to me and surprisingly I am able to communicate back with him, which impresses my companion. Considering that I'm half Mexican I should really be better at Spanish. One thing I have to say about Laguna-- people are very nice and friendly, which you wouldn't expect.
We go to the gay beach which is a short distance from the straight main beach. I love beaches that are easy to get to and with this one you don't need to roll down a cliff. There are a lot of faggots on the beach but they are all Golden Girls. You know men who look like Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty, Rue McClannahan and Betty White. I guess there is some circuit party somewhere and that is where all the younger guys are hiding. My friend attacts a lot of attention as he is young and hunky. And when he strips down to speedos that thirteenth leg of his really busts a move. In no time we are approached by men offering food, jobs, the use of their beach house. When he takes a swim and comes out of the water the white speedos make him look completely naked and we start to get even more attention. Its all so liz taylor in Suddenly Last Summer. He would have swam more but the rip tides were very strong and as I can't swim, if he gets into trouble out in the ocean he's on his own. The lifeguards are cute but look like they are 12. Hardly Baywatch rescueing material. Didn't see the tranny porn star Sulka who is a Laguna regular on the gay beach. Last year she was out in all her glory wearing a see through thong bikini. My little Belgian friend has a wonderfully muscular lean body that only Europeans possess. He has a rock band that he wants to play at my club so I believe he invited me down to Eve Harrington me, but I don't care. He's cute and attentive and I'm so glad not to be in Silverlake. Someone asked me if I would be at the Sunset Junction street festival and I told them that I have no desire to see Silverlake people in the broad daylight. They couldn't believe I said that.
I don't want to get any wrinkles from the Sun so I am pretty much covered up in a saround and long sleeve blouse, and have sun screen on as well as a wide brim straw hat. We stay on the beach till about 7pm and then head for the Boom Boom Boom room a famous gay bar in Laguna. There are even more Golden Girls at the Boom Boom Room and the loud music is giving me a headache. We retire to my dates movie producer friend's beach house overlooking the bluff. What a nice spread, there is a little party going on and who should be here other than cute Johnny Depp clone Skeet Ulrich. Skeet makes a beeline for my date and can't seem to take his gaze from his ample crotch. It was disapointing to find out that the beautiful Ms. Ulrich is such a nelly. Fantastic party with excellent food and drink and sweet laid back people who although very industry weren't lording it over on us all like they do at LA parties. By 1am I am ready for bed and my room has a wonderous view. My Belgian drops by to say good night and we share a tender sweet kiss and I grope his huge member for a bit before sending him back to his room. I'm easy, but I'm not THAT easy.
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