Speaking From the Diaphragm
The Vaginal Davis Blog
. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities
Friday, May 13, 2005
The young, talented novelist Tristan Egolf committed suicide the other day. I had a brief tryst with him ages ago. He was very goodlooking, and troubled. The kind of straight boy i always seem to attract. And as usual, if you wind up having sex with Vaginal Davis, you will sooner or later kill yourself. That is my legacy.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 9:13 AM
Thursday, May 12, 2005
Received a cute email from Pete Dougherty with this beautiful poem that i shall share with you:
I knew a simple soldier boy
who grew through life with empty joy
slept soundly through the lonesome dark
whistled early with the lark
and in winter trenches cowed and glum
with cramps and lice and lack of rum
he put a bullet through his brain
and no one spoke of him again
Assmug-faced crowds of kindling eye
who cheer as soldier boys march by
sneak home and pray you'll never know
the hell where youth and
saw the Orlando Bloom film Kingdom of Heaven. Orlando is so dreamy, and he and Eva Green make a cute couple. Nice epic as epics go. Lando can meet me at the top of my legs when he tires of bland Kate Bosworth. Was in a filmgoing state this week. I also saw Palindrones, the new Todd Solendz movie, and devoured it. The Luis Bunuel casting approach of having 45 different people play the lead was a stroke of geniustrata. I also adored The HItchhikers Guide to the Universe which showcased a very well hungula Sam Rockwell. Now i was the first person to scoop that Sammy boy was endowedith over two years ago, but of course no one wants to give me any credit.
Andrew of Gould made a delicious welcome home dinner of the vegan variety. My young British husband is the only one who really loves me unconditionally. I'm a very lucky girla.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 8:58 PM
Monday, May 09, 2005
LETTER FROM AN UNKNOWN WO-MAN
Actually its a letter from my pretty little Dom Johnson who is living it up in New York City for a few months. Here is what he has to say:
Hey Miss Thing,
Hope you are OK - sorry I haven't been in touch for so long. Really loving New
York and can't believe I only have a month to go before I am back in London.
Have been keeping up to date with your shenanigans on you Blog, such a useful
invention. Sounds like you are having a ball and meeting lots of people, wish I
coulod be there to see your piece at Contact Theatre. Have heard only good
things about you and Ron and everyone at Queer Visualities from friends who
travelled up from London. Gutted that I will miss Ron's Cradle of Judy. Will
you be there for the London performance with the party? When are you back?
New York is just great. Spending a lot of time with Slava, and his BF Brian,
is a hot young hip-hop white boy homo wigger (he's 22, and wears a do-rag).
He's very sweet and has a big big dick, apparently. I've seen him dance go-go a
few times and he sure can shake his moneymaker. Slava is great, though a bit
down over work stuff, which accentuates his lovable melancholic side. I have
been spending a couple of days a week with Penny Arcade, who is a strange
fruit, and has been telling me weird and wonderful stories about the heyday of
New York's downtown art scene. She rants and is a real nostalgic, and has a few
giant bones to pick with contemporary culture, which I find exciting and more
Getting quite a lot of work done and sitting in cafes a lot, reading, drinking
coffee and looking at boys. I love the fact that I am being paid to do this,
though honestly I get a little anxious that I should be doing more GENUINE work
(what does that mean?), but then I realise that in my own little way I actually
I am living in a straight boy student house in the East Village which is both
great (location, room size) and slightly depressing (straight, long haired boys
who don't talk to me much, one expecially is monosyllabic, but not sure if it
his nature or if he just hates fags). I think I alienated myself by moving in
wearing my THE REVOLUTION IS MY BOYFRIEND T-shirt that Slava gave me for my
birthday, and by playing homo-ish music on my laptop and filling the bathroom
with toiletries and the kitchen with vegetarianism. Ho hum, at least the cat
(John) has taken a shine to me. Not that his feline affection is welcome, cats
are stinky and he chews on my belongings when I'm not looking. There is also an
albino rabbit (vile), but he lives in a cage in the lounge and so we stay out
of each other's way pretty easily. Have had some sex, but no fireworks. Also as
far as I can work it out Sam and me are no more (Boo). And that, as they say,
Would love to hear from you when you get a chance - know you must be crazily
There's a possibility I might be coming out West in August - been invited to do
a paper as part of a series at Berkeley organised by a hot yound lecturer that
I was on a panel with at Brown. Fingers crossed it works out and I can nip down
to LA from San Fran!
D x x x
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 11:37 AM
My last day in man!chesta uber alles with the performance of "The Maladjusted Rule"
goes off hitch free. The kids really gave it their all, and i'm proud of them. The final results---brilliantine---just granada! beyond Asbury Park! It was an evening where shtars and un-born cock was slurped and digested in heavy gulps. The heavenly firmament welcomed a cast of bright, young things.
How i managed to get through a week of a swollen foot, knock knees and rusty joiners is beyond me. I'm going to miss my cast of lovely children from a lesser god. All my kissy kisstalkneys and love go out to Tessa, Lisa, Theo, Phil, Niv, Empress Jaheda, Joseph "Joey" Hateley and my phd girls: Es and Lou-Lou. Specially thanks to project manager "Nervous" Jenny Sutton, Anna, the beautiful Belgian tech girl, support staff bootie pie Mark, gentle giant Rowan, Patrick Collins, Keith, and that hot half caste stunner Barkery, who didn't work on my piece, but provided me with occasional eye candy in the Sofa Cafe at the Contact Theatre.
Had a drink after the show and met the sweet parents of Tess and Niven. I must have terrorized Niv's 16 year old ginger brother when i attacked him in the audience, but i couldn't help my self he's so damn cute and fine with that ultra white peaches n' cream complexion and lips of vermillion.
Thank god for Andrea, my low energy Milanese via London assistant who helped me get through the last days of mancun disqo. We couldn't wait to get back to our lovely little suite at the Mal Maison. In the lobby i was approached by junky rocker Pete Doherty, ex of the Libertines, and his supermodel girlie friend Kate Moss. Pete gave me a big hug and kiss on the lips, the cheeky Irishman even gave me a little quick tongue action--which really shocked me, and i'm hard to shock. Good natured missy Kate Moss just laughed it off. I guess she's use to the antics of her polymorphously perverse former rent boy beau. I've known Kate since 1998 when i hosted Playing With Matches in New York with Beck and Yoko Ono, and she's one down-to-earth super mannequin. You can take the girl from Croyden, but you can't take the Croyden out of the girl . . .Peter is a also a lot taller then i expected. He's about 6'4".
The hunky swimmers built hotel doorman, Graham who hails from South Afrika, had been flirting with me since i arrived in early april. We finally got to consumate the hairy eyeballing. Graham saw my picture in the Guardian, and said i was striking as a woman. When he got off duty he came by my room, luckily Andrea was sound a sleep, so we went into the loo and i gave him a tongue bath he won't soon forget. The boy is stacked with a body that is mega perfect! Ass, feet, calves, thighs, chest and gigantic apartheid genitalia. yummmy, what a nice way to end my stay in the UK.
NOTE TO HEATHROW AIRPORT: please rid yourself of that claustrophobic mall/waiting room. its evil. Stood next to the material girl herself---- McDonna, or is she still going by her Kaballah name of Esther Mordacai?
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 11:04 AM