Speaking From the Diaphragm
The Vaginal Davis Blog
. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities
Friday, August 13, 2004
BOULEVERSE BY THE SEASON
Was in a bit of a funk until i escaped Miss Los Ang to go up north, Santa Barbara to be exact with Glen Meadmore to visit Ms. Meadmore's girlfriend and the love of her life, Lady Barbara of Carpenteria. We took a pitbull stop in Ventura to pick up Dora of Wilde Planet fame and also visited with my exAfro Sister Clitoris Turner.
Lady Barbara took us to the resort hotel that she works at that is in the Santa Barbara hills. Talk about major Ms. Gorgeous. The view from the terrace was lovely, and of course i had two Margaritas and was whooping it up. In the lobby we ran into Phranc, the Jewish Lesbian folk singer and her wife Lisa and kids. That was an unexpected surprise.
Lady Barbara then took us back to her compound for a scrumpteous meal that was just too divine for words.
Went to see the hot new french film "Intimate Strangers". What an adult drama it was. Not one young person in the movie just everyone 35++++. America could learn a thing or two from the French when it comes to sophisticated films with a heavy psychological bent. Just what I was in the mood for. Tomorrow i think i'll see Alien Vs. Predator. I have to also throw in a guilty pleasure.
Had my last little fling with Mexican boy who is housesitting for his wealthy relatives at the foot of the Hollywood Hills. I tore that boy up last night. Of course i didn't get much sleep so i'm going to be exhausted all day. It was nice having a young booty to plow until its raw and ragged. Nice while it lasted.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 8:24 AM
Monday, August 09, 2004
This hysterical emug came to me from Kari Krome of the Runaways, enjoy:
The Inapproiate Chakra Lady
here's the latest wacky story in my life:i went to this metaphysical bookstore when i had a migraine headache, and i saw a sign that said reikimassage $20 for 20 minutes. and i thought what thehell I'll give it a shot. i was desperate for theheadache to go away. a real brainbuster. and i clickwith the woman sho runs the place, and we get totalking and were into the same writers and books andshe gives recommends a really awesome book, so i emailher to get more books, and go back in there and haveanother reiki session done, and were talking beforehand about what reiki can do, so i say i'd really liketo work through some of my family, and abuse issues.and she tells me she was abused sexually as a childand her father was an alcoholicn and abused her aswell. so im thinking wow thats why we have theconnection, you can always sniff out your own kind.so anyways i hop up on the table and lay down and shestarts the therapy, and its a hands on massage and shemassages part of the chest, and i dont think anythingof it right? well this time, she puts her hand righton my crotch. she wasnt rubbing my crotch in a sexualmanner, but it was a massage and though delicate, igot kinda aroused. and she's leaning over me, to getunder my backside, and shes practically rubbing hertits all over me. and im like thinking well, should ibe nervous? what is this about? is this what theyalways do? you know, the mind suddenly became occupiedwith trying to assess the situation. and as she workedthrough an area of tenseness and i let out a groan ofrelief, she let out this groaning sort of ...sigh?and then i was like, am i crazy? is this the regulardrill? not to mention shes real easy on the eyes, soit was confusing to say the least. afterwards i wassitting there totally relaxed but very preoccupied,and shes standing very close to me smiling and she sayyou are so cute, i just want to hug and kiss you. andshes always standing super close and looking in myeyes and doesnt break her gaze..i didnt say anything cause i was like a deer frozen inthe headlights. she didnt kiss me or hug me. i wonderwhat would of happened if i did say OK?i was scheduled to go to a class there on learning tochant the 72 names of god in hebrew, so in themeantime i have plenty of time to simmer.i check in with 5 different peole, and my alanonsponsor, and they all said shes putting the moves onyou. my sponsor said: anyone thats going to put thierhands on an intimate part of the body asks you firstand tells you why? you got felt up. everybody knowsbody boundary protocal, especially if she knows youhave those issues.but you know, she just didnt seem like the type. ijust assume everybody is straight. i have like nogaydar, unless someones a flaming queen, or a hardcoredyke.ive had the staightest housewives hit on me, and imalways taken by surprise and flustered. so what do iknow? plus because of my history, its takes me awhile tonavigate if someones doing something inappropriate tome. im a ding dong. if someone flirts with me, theypractically have to bang me over the head with it. imalways the last to know. this broads rubbing her titsall over me, and im tring to figure out themathematical equation to the chant music werelistening to, and wondering if time travel is possiblethru a well known magnetic portal in eastern new york.i always miss it till its almost too late. but thistime my antennae was standing straight up and atattention. i knew something was up, i just wsnt sureexactly what.so i leave there relaxed but not relaxed.im in a grumpy distracted way over the next few daysi IM my sponsee betsy and i tell ehr whats going onand she emails me back:WHAT ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! thats so inappropriate!!!what are you gonna do???? and over the next two daysthis whole thing turns into some insane comedy of kariand her sponsee betsy, plotzing how were going intothe metaphysical bookstore to spy on this woman inaction and see what shes up to. after incessantemailing and talking about it, i am worked up into aneurotic frenzyon how to deal with the situation. we have gone over,rehashed, reexamined, and hypothesized what thiswomans trip is. all i know about her is shes russianand has been living in this country since she was six.Shes from Kajikistan, and was a CEO VP at CBCOppenheimer before she found her spiritul teahcer andabandoned her job to open this bookstore and spiritualcenter.So far weve come up with this: shes really a Russianspy and that store is a front for new world orderpsiops, and theyre kidnapping people to use as guineapigs to create governmen sleeper assassins. The backroom is where they shear off your hair, induce mindaltering substances, and use boundary erasing mindcontrol techniques to break down your psyche, beforeshipping you off to the motherland where you are lastseen bound and gagged in the trunk of a speedingacross the kremlin.But maybe she's really just some horny russianhousewife who has to get her jolies, and shes got anold wooden eyed auntie at home that smokes a pipe, hasblack teeth, and reads the tea leaves, putting curseson the neighbors with the evil eye. i picture themboth swilling vodka laced coffee and making food, andcounting theyre money and gold.or maybe shes just some awesome bitch that wants me totake her to the snow and fuck her in some smoke filledyut, while gypsy babies squall in the night, as thecassocks rage a bloody horse drawn batlle in the snow.guts and fur flying everywhere. i mentally startwritng and awesome bloody porno epic, and IM it tobetsy.none of this has done me any good, and im a nervouswreck.so the next night i go to my class and we all learn tochant the 72 feminine names of god in hebrew, whichsounds like a roomfull of groaning and throat clearingfools, standing in a circle with thier eyes closed andholding hands. and that was sort of weird cause at onepoint i peekd open my eyes and saw people standing outfront looking in at us, and i thought jesus what ifsomeone i know walks by and sees me. and that was mymoment that brought me down to earth. kind of likethat scene in Sid and Nancy, when theyre running downthe street high as fuck, and Nancy is wearing Sidsmoms clothes, and she catches a peek of her self in awindow and freaks out cause she thinks she looks likeStevie Nicks.but i stay cause i dont wanna be a spoil sport, andthen afterwards the woman who lead the class starteddoing a dippy stevie nicksish gypsy dance! andencourged us to do the same. i sat that one out andput my head between my legs, and begged off.soon it was time to go, and The Russian chakra ladygave me a heart shaped quartz chrsytal, and said "nowyou have a piece of my heart", and said happy birthdayto me.the next day i email my betsy and told her whathappened, and she was like "Krome, shes totallygunning for you, either that or shes totally insaneinappropriate. I know i have to confront this womancause now i got alarm bells going off all around me.so i email the Chakra Lady, and tell her Look i gotsomething on my mind that i need to talk to you about,and i ahve to do it in person. please email me backand lemme know when we can discuss. shortly later iget a respoje and we are all set up for the next nightafter work. after work ,betsy will go into the store first, andpretend to be a customer browsing aruond. i will go ina few minutes later, and ask the woman whats is up,and Betsy will listen in. If Betsy ehars anbullshit, or the woman tries any mental illness, betsywill knock over a rack of books and we will run outtathere.of course i chicken out witht hat plan, and go in bymyesle and tell the woman how i feel and whats been onmy mind, she knows something is up, cause i tell herto lock the door cause i dont want any distractionsand dont wnat to be interrupted. her eyes are the sizeof saucers. i take a dep breath, and give my wholespeil. and she apologizes, and tell ME SHE DOES THATWILL ALL HER CUSTOMERS. so i say im not sure, thisreiki stuff is all new to me so i dont knwo whatsconsidered appropriate, but uh peole arent normallythat affectionate unles they know each other, and rundown all the examples of her behavior in a very niceway, but point them out, and alls i get is this washywashy newagey we are allone cosmic rap.at this poin im totally confused and feel like a totaldumbass, which i was fully prepared to dela with.but still...so we blabbed for a little bit and she told me, i wasnot doing that to you, the energy i work with was.ehat you felt from me was just nurturing.in fact i as just talking witha friend the other day,and i said the only thing left is for me to sleep withmy customers, but that is not what i seek. i am sopassionate about my work.i was totally flumoxed. and that was the story of theInappropriate Chakra lady.what do you think of that?
Friday at Bricktops was enchanting. Lots of cute kids wearing lovely outfits, very stylish and sophisticated. I'm not a fashion nazi, but i do enjoy it when people come dressed. I don't like casual attire. There is nothing special about jeans and a t-shirt. Being creative and visual is much more interesting then just trying to make oneself comfortable.
The California Navels performed and were quite good. They have a bunch of new members. My hot humpy dork with the glasses is still in the band---thank God. That boy is very pleasing to the eye. He also has a masculine girlfriend. I bet she puts on a strap-on dildo and plows that big beautiful ass of his, until he's screaming in orgasmic agony. Yummy. The keyboard player for the band wasn't dressed appropriately for stage. Hopefully next time he'll get with the program. Bricktops isn't about being hippy dippy.
I still haven't gotten my usual Monday morning report of who of interest was at the club. I tried to write down the names of people on Friday who i personally saw or who others saw lingering about. This is what i have so far: Abbie Travis, Rebekah Del Rio(Mulholland Drive),Samuel French's Mark Simon, video artist Ming Ma, Don & Augusta, film editor Zebediah Smith Lou Barlow of Sebadoh, Park Avenue Princessa and society maven Aerin Lauders, hunky rockers Dillinger Escape Plan and hot scandanavian actor Carsten Norgaard(Alien vs Predator). Jason North was wonderful as my boy taxi dancer.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 1:56 PM