VAGINAL DAVIS
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Speaking From the Diaphragm

The Vaginal Davis Blog

. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities

Friday, January 16, 2004

FRED IS DEAD

O I thought Iíd mention that Ron OíNeal, the star of "Superfly" and" Superfly TNT" died at the age of 66. You canít keep a good nigger down---- he will live on in our cable, vcr and dvd hearts forever.

Just received this sweet emug from one of my children who I wrote a recommendation to grad school for. Heís seems to have his life in some kind of NYC order:

It's hard to put my misguided use of the english language into such a
structure as to fully express my missing of you while I am here in the
cold barren, but always drunken and fun new york. Let me say this the
feelings of longing are as wide & dark as P-Hiltys (aka paris
hilton's) column inches in the month of november last.

The weather here is ball shivering, but manageable due to the warmth
and comfort that Prof. Jose Munioz n' Nao Bustamante have provided me.
Those two are fun fun fun, and they make me feel somewhat connected to
the dirty nasty underworld which has your sweat running in it's rivers.

I am also becoming some sort of pseudo - intellectual wonderkind, the
school your amazing letter of recommendation got me into saw
it fit to give me a 4.0 in my first semester of grad school and has
made me a Teaching Assistant. I am really hoping that TA stands for
tits and ass, of all flavors shapes and permutations. Once I really
have this place sewn up I will find out how i can get the school to
send you out here and pervert the minds of the youth. The media department here is full of all sorts of
baby-dykes and queer boys who would fawn over you like the royalty you
are.

Ok, for now, i know you are busy and this is long, I just wanted to say
I love and miss you and hope you are well and surrounded by scores of
cute hump-able boys with bee-sting lips.

xo
benjamin godsill




.: posted by Vaginal Davis 12:40 PM


Tuesday, January 13, 2004

DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS WHEELCHAIR?

Ran into tranny chasing Production Chief of Dreamworks Michael DeLuca. Sometimes heís nice to me and other times heís sour. On this occasion he was very very claver.

My companion, an industry insider (who shall remain nameless) told me Mikey is on the rag because heís getting the axo in June from his employer. What was really bizarre though, is Mr. De Luca telling me he saw a copy of my short experimental film "The White To Be Angry" and asking me to give him a call-----which of course I wonít, but how in the hell did he see my movie?

Last Friday at Bricktops I felt bad about ignoring cute Michael Imperioli. Heís in the new comedy "Babyís Daddy" that my mack mama black dyke friend Cheryl Dunye directed. I hear the film is doing very good at the box office boffo. I want to see it. Its Cherylís first time at the helm of a mainstream product. I also want to see the movie "Honey" that my good girlfriend and frequent collaborator "Crepe" Suzette Matheson did the costumes for. Crepe is now in Texas working on a new flicker.

Another email i received that sent me in to tres amusant heaven:

FUCKIN HOT I enjoyed eating your hole so much that I just couldnt wait to tell my parents about you! I told them how your hole opened up and swalloed my tounge ( which my dad had a comment about)any way they seemed very happy that I enjoyed eating out your asshole so much. My brothers were so fuming mad and pissed off. They haven't had a good piece of ass to eat in so long. ;) Lets hook up soon are you busy. I am really having a taste for your hole and to do some good work on your cock, but my favorite is your goddamn fucking, steamy hole. let me know if you would like to come over

Brad

.: posted by Vaginal Davis 3:02 PM


Monday, January 12, 2004

BREIMS OF RASOBRAR

Went to the grand birthday celebration of Judy, Mrs. Michael Glass, Ms. Tom Guzman and Tony, the bartender from the Parlour Club at Akbar. Was packed to the raftinis, and although I wasnít exactly in a social mood, I did warm up as the evening progressed. It was nice seeing Elvia, Michele Carr of the Velvet Hammer, Epilades Meesh, Selene and their bitch Scratch plus William E Riche, Marvina, StíEve "Harrington" Hall,
Glenn of Masculinity, the great Jeffreyland Hilbert, Javier of Peres Projects, Darren Stein and Asian Punk Boy.

La Judy was a font of info giving me the mucuous on Deryck Whibley of the Canadian band Sum 41. Although this fresh faced Canuck has been linked with party favour Paris Hilton, he also has quite the homosexual past. At age 15 he had a bona foote relationship with a guy who was 30, so like most kids from Ontario of his generation he is prone to grease his tank with lots of raw sugar. Heís even partied hartied with Judy and her racause lot in Toronto, and "The Deryck" is pretty generous with his dope supply. He can afford to be since he has a power dealer that goes with him EVERYWHERE and gets him the best of the bestest and right now the fashionable cotic of choice is plain olde fashion opium in its pure form. Now you have to agree I really share with you ALL the hot gossip and I hold nothing back

.: posted by Vaginal Davis 12:23 PM


Sunday, January 11, 2004

THE RELUNCTANT PORNOGRAPHER

My Bruce La Bruce Sundance Festival sendoff party at Bricktops was adaisial. Judy arrived late of course, but was in good form. I laid out a casting bed for her to audition new talent, or at least check out some long resumes. She came up on stage and made an announcement that she was looking for boys for her next artporn flick that is about latino gangbangers and the white cops who love them.

Her couterie included StíEve "Harrington" Hall and his giant peniled lover Glen, Billy Rich(editor of Black Hawk Down) Mrs Michael Glass, Asia Argenta, The Poubelle Twins, Don & Augusta, Michael Kenney, young and extremely well hung British actor Matthew Goode who co-stars with Mandy Moore in the new romantic comedy "Chasing Liberty", a very skinny Martin Henderson (Torque)Josh Duhamel(A Date with Tad Hamilton) Roger M. Corman the 27 year old son of legendary producer/director Roger W. Corman and Michael Imperioli(Babys Daddy).

The theme for the evening was silent film director King Vidor, but Ms. LaBruce seductively stole his thunder.

Abby Travis of Elastica fame also came by with one of her oldest and dearest friends, Sandy. The two caused major jailbait drug havoc from Orange County to South Central and beyond. Sandy knew a lot of the olde South Bay punk rock crowd that I use to hang with in the early 80s.

Supersonics basketball star Vladimir Admanovic was with Amy Lee and John LeCompt of Evanescence. I think they are a hot buttery threegy.

Oh and of all people, the writer Joyce Carol Oates is a huge Bruce fan and came to the club to meet him, though I think she got scared when I started to show hardcore scenes from "Gang of Four Skins"

A SINGULAR MODERNITY

Big Daddy Athey came to pick me up at my studio after I was stood up by my two big double barreled peterkus dates, who were supposed to take me to din din and then escort me to Judy LaBruceís opening at the Peggy Wong Guggenheim Memorial Gallery in Chinatown. I hate going to openings, even my own, but we braved the discomfort to give blair kisses to Ms. Blab and Miss Nicki, the star of "Gang of Four Skins". There were only three BLAB portraits from Judy's new movie "Rasberry Reich". The other items on display didn't hold my interest. In all fairness i was hungry, horndoggy and in a general lousy mood.

LA COMEíDIE HUMAINE

Was taken to breaky by MaríLou De Luna, my oldest friend. MarLou and I have known each other since the 4th grade. We also went to the same junior high and college(UCLA) though I didnít graduate from UCLA as I preferred to finish my schooling in the Ivy mortared east. Ms. DeLuna went on to law school and married her college sweatheart Hal Marinas who is also a lawyer. They live in a giant house in the Glendale Hills.

Ever so often we get together at the Pacific Dining Car. Usually we meet up every few months, but because of both our crazy schedules its been over a year. MarLou is hilarious in that dry sort of way. I quote verbatim her latest zarathusthra:

"I told my husband, If you die, Iíll never remarry . . . I hate men!"


THE BROTHERHOOD OF CONSOLATION

Iím always getting these nutters emails sent to me. Here is one I found particularly amusing:

Author Seeks Experiences of Unprovoked Hostility (Anywhere)

Do you consistently experience unprovoked hostility directed at you?
Do others continually condescend, discredit, devalue or otherwise disrespect you without cause?
Do your superiors always resent your talent, competence and strong work ethic?
Are you pushed out of jobs or social groups over and over again?
Are even complete strangers nasty to you for no reason?
And as a resultÖ
Have you fallen short of your potential, in spite of being ambitious, well educated, talented, competent and sociable?

If you answered yes to two or more of these questions, you may be an eligible candidate for a study about a hidden syndrome that affects an exclusive group of people.

To qualify, first submit only a summary of your experiences using the format provided. If your experience fits the profile, you will be asked to answer a comprehensive questionnaire for payment. Describe experience(s) in body of email; do not use attachments.

Summary Format

Part I: Demographics
Sex
Age
Race
Nationality
Education
Occupation
Income
Religion
Residence (type, ownership, etc.)

Part II: Liabilities
Record any obvious disability or other liability that might trigger dislike (e.g., overweight, tattoos, Mohawk hair style, etc.)

Part III: Experience(s)
Describe one or two instances that respond to one or more of the questions posed above. Do not use real names; provide only the nature of relationships to you (e.g., boss, teacher, shoe salesman, store clerk, friend, etc.). Be clear and concise. Your summary should be no more than a paragraph or two.

Compensation: $100
Principals only. Recruiters, please don't contact this job poster.
Please, no phone calls about this job!
Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests.
Reposting this message elsewhere is NOT OK.
this is in or around Anywhere


CELESTINE PROPHECY

Qtr Pounder aka: Christine Pelisek my Canuck gal pal from the LA Weekly took me to lunch at the Hollywood Roosevelt. I love Christine, sheís from Ottawa the capital of Canadia and is a pure hoot. She wrote this weeks cover story for the LA Weekly and did a fine job reporting on the murderous romantic tanglings of some nutters Upland Empire kids. Mz Hollywood Roosevelt is one of my little secret eating places. Hardly anyone goes there except for Johnny Grant the honorary mayor of Hollywood. You can have the whole place to yourself like its your private VIP restaurant. Our waiter was a middle aged Latino assisted by a cute younger Latin boi with a bouncy baby booty. The kid sure gave bottom energy. The food was great and a fine time was had by all.

TEXT BESSAGING

Just another instant correspondence between me and my Dutch/Rican thrombone.

deribicus: hi I read your stories, they're very funny. you're lucky to have bamboozled the Weekly into bending to your ways
VAGDAVIS: who is this?
deribicus: America's favorite Puerto Rican/Dutch--from New York City, JOHN SANCHEZ! [applause]
VAGDAVIS: oh i didn't recognize your IM screen name. I'm always cautious because people that i don't know also IM me ALL THE TIME and its sooooo annoying.
deribicus: sometimes it is even annoying when people you do know IM, yes? That is my own feeling.
VAGDAVIS: last night at bricktops was my sendoff party for bruce la bruce's new movie that is going to sundance, a great night in all
deribicus: I do not doubt it! too bad you will miss Glenn's bday tomorry!
VAGDAVIS: its so warm today. last week was colder then the east coast but now we're back to our regular balmy winter
deribicus: that, I miss.
VAGDAVIS: oh the Glenn Wonder of all the seven worlds. Give him lots of baskety hugs and kisses for me
deribicus: I still gotta get my hou$e in order and pay off the tax man.
VAGDAVIS: 2nite is Bruce's opening at the Peres Projects Gallery
deribicus: is it the same show that was here?
VAGDAVIS: oh i don't know what showed in NYC. tomorrow is also a party in his honor at Akbar
deribicus: well! He's tearing that town UP!
VAGDAVIS: i'm going to go to the opening if my two muscle dates don't stand me up. bruce is here till the 15th of Jan then Sundance then back in LA for a week
deribicus: did you see his new moovie?
VAGDAVIS: Nope.
deribicus: are you in it?
VAGDAVIS: He didn't have enough $ to fly me to Berlin so Shari Vine got my part in the film. Last night at my club bruce used the casting bed we made for him to audition cute guys for his next movie a steamy porno that pits latino and blatino gangbangers against white hot cops.
deribicus: Shari seems nice but is "just ok" as a performer. If you ask me!
VAGDAVIS: sold some of my books for $Cash and ran into David who works at the book store. He was in Fag Bash with Paul Bonomo who was out here in LA visiting David.
deribicus: Wow! that Bonomo gets around. He was just here with his new musical duo "Captain Comotose."
VAGDAVIS: oh my good friend duped a copy of Angels in America the HBO movie. I liked it.
deribicus: I haven't seen it but I guess Flotilla has a big bit in it? I like her.
VAGDAVIS: oh my gawd yes. Flo was genius in it. Lypsinka is in the crowd scene seething with jealousy. Other queens too. Lyp got a bad review in the Advocate of all places for her new stage review
deribicus: I saw that show. It was good and Elaine Stritch was in the audience busting a gut!
VAGDAVIS: Flo really tore up in her scene in Angels. oh are you and Lyp friends?
deribicus: no, I but she and Steve LaFreniere (Art Forum Magazine) are friends.
VAGDAVIS: i don't know her at all. i saw her in boy drag at the Slammer Sex club getting down. It was frightening to say the least. she has a somewhat large cock. But that ginger rubber face in ecstacy, well lets just say its not a pretty sight.
deribicus: oh geeze. that's scary to even read about
VAGDAVIS: we were both walking in at the same time. and gave each other this look, "don't i know you from somewhere" i didn't figure out it was her for almost an hour into the sex club
deribicus: ...and her dick was in your bootie
VAGDAVIS: hahahahaha and her scat in my mouth
deribicus: Then some other familiar looking guy came on your face and--oh my God, it's Joey Arias!
VAGDAVIS: then he pissed on me it smelled just like chanel no. 5
deribicus: Gold and Black
VAGDAVIS: golden streams baby
deribicus: it was a vision of pre-lapsarian Africa
VAGDAVIS: oh i gotta return three trillion emails and call my dates to see if they are still picking me up.
Kisses my darling. ta tar
deribicus: good-bye to you, my guiding light & leading lady!!




.: posted by Vaginal Davis 2:42 PM