Speaking From the Diaphragm
The Vaginal Davis Blog
. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities
Thursday, August 14, 2003
This week has been tragically hot and sticky. I cannot function well in this kind of weather, so of course i am now worthless to the world.
I'm also unable to sleep. i'm a menace to polite society, and one cranky bitchina. So beware my wrath during the summer months. I can't be held accountable for my actions because I am certifiably insane.
Had to escape the heat by going to Venice Beach. I don't care for the westside and Venice in particular. Its very ugly---hippy dippy style and i really have no patience for it. But the temp was at least 20 degrees cooler so i found solace by watching the self-absorbed frolic on the boardwalk. Venice is filled with every cliche of Southern California---you'd think it was a parody. I thought i was deluded, but the folks in Venice take delusion to new heighty heights.
I especially loved watching this dark skin muscle man do what looked like a form a tai chi with a hack-n-sack ball. He really took himself seriously. What he should have been doing is pimping himself out to the highest bidder. I'd pay him some good money to run my hands all over that honey baked body. I couldn't tell if he was black or latin. Maybe he was some sort of blatino. He had straightish black shiny/wavy hair. His eyes spoke volumes ---that he was basically insane. There was also the honorary mayor of Venice, the towel head man in white playing electric guitar badly. After all the many decades he's been annoying people on the beach you'd think he would have learned a different riff or improved somewhat. But he's been cranking out the same groove since the late 1970s. At least he hasn't aged since then.
I was disapointed that there was no one at Muscle Beach showing off their steroid bodies. There weren't even that many jubas basketball players. Well it was during the work week, and the majority of the crowd was Euro tourists, with their nice pale skin always wearing dark socks or stylish sandles.
Lots of gorgeous young surferkins----of course I'm always invisible to surfers, so cruising them is out of the question. Actually cruising anyone in Venice does you know good, they are far too into themselves to notice.
I sure did get a kick oogling this big black jubas jubilee who sells homemade insense or something like that. His body is one mass of coiled muscle and he is shiny blue black and quite handsome, even though he has thyroid eyes.
I wasn't the only one escaping the inland heat. Every homeless person was also joining the crush. The bus was stinking of them. Thank god the air conditioner was cranked to the maximum. I got to see my favorite homeless tranny who is always wearing high high heels, no matter what. It was like i was stalking her, because later in the evening i ran into her in Weho. Her normal hang is the Beverly Connection where she sits and displays herself right next to the bookstore across from the Starchucks.
Thursday-Daddy Athey took me and his houseguest Phillipe of Montepillier's Chignon Dynasty down to Laguna Beach. Thank god he could find the Gay section. I've never been able to locate it on my own. The Homer Sexual part of 'guna beach is about three miles from the Boom Boom Room once you pass the Albertson's supermarket and across from a Fish Evil taco stand.
There wasn't many people out so we pretty much had the place to ourselves. There were a few 70 lbs raisin titty cha-cha's frolicking, and bumping bush, but only one really hot couple giving each other a romantic frottage in full display of the envious mass of hornpigs, and a lifeguard who seemed thoroughly disgusted by their antics. Where is Sulka when you need her?
Some corporate shmuck who just got laid off was trying to have a hen party with us, i chatted with him and his double D bitch tits for a bit. He was macking on some teenage boy sunning himself with his parents. Of course the kid's folks had no clue they were on Porno beach. The kid who was no older then 15 definately knew, and probably thought himself clever in fooling his parents to take him. He was a cute child, and you could tell that when he turns 18 he'll blossom into a hunky young man.
We had to leave the sands early so we could have a SeaBreeze and Thong cocktail party in honour of M. Phillipe and the artist Marina Rosenfeld, who is now married to a bright young Israeli boy with big hands, big feet and even bigger peni. Her young husband was adorable, and so my type of Hava Nagila.
I wanted to play with his giant nose including mickey mucose and snot. Don't try to understand my odd fetishes.
The cocktail party was scintillating and just the perfect way to end a perfect day. Phillip brought some homemade Frogois and South of France Salami that was delish. I adore Lord Phillip, he's so easygoing and charming with a sexy deep voice and the warmest blue eyes i've seen in ages. He and Crepe Suzette would be perfect for each other. A gorgeous woman like the Crepe, needs to get some from a sophisticated, handsome, well endowed French man who also happens to be European nobility.
As usual Daddy was the perfect host and it was lovely seeing writer Lisa T, her hot big dicked beau Daniel, David of 11 Harrow House, Cyril and Karine of Solano Canyon.
Impromptu parties at the last minute can sometimes be the best.
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 8:06 PM
Sunday, August 10, 2003
was looking in the Times Magazine and there was an article by Michele Green who use to be on the 80s TV show LA LAW. Michele went to Fairyfax high school with Fertile La Toyah Jackson and was in their Theatre Arts Program. I saw many a play with Michele as the lead. I think she starred in The Princess and the Pea, and Guys and Dolls opposite Timothy Hutton who was also in their graduating class along with Anthony and Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers and that ugly black TV commentator Byron Allen whose real name is Byron Fulkes.
Also there was a garden article showing the Home of Ann Field and her fugly husband Clive Percy. Ann was the stuck-up English designer of Michele Lamy's, Lamy Body line back in the 80s and she also taught at Otis. I never liked her. Of course she has a nice home in Aunt Monica with a yard full of succulents. It just figures that she lives the good life near the beach, while i live in a box.
Last week the Times profiled Nick Taggert and his wife. Nick use to go out with Michi of I Love Ricky. Gawd just live long enough and you'll know everyone being profiled in a magazine.
Speaking of I Love Ricky. Ran into Ricky Castro at lunchtime on Hollywood Blvd Friday. He looks good nice and healthy and chunky but funky. We had a nice pleasant conversation. He said i hadn't changed at all, thats the pot calling the kettle black. Ricky is still the same Ricky. it was great seeing him, we have such a history together. Funny that we never run into each other on the street anymore though we live less then a mile apart now. Well maybe thats for the better.
Bricktops was overflowing with love on Friday. Kitten on the Keys, from San Francisco performed, and she is just the best, so sweet and personable. And she looks just like Clara Bow who we were saluting in true It Girl style. Of course i got drunk and forgot about the It Girl Contest. I'll do it this Friday for Cabaret Nite.
It was wonderful having LA Weekly film editor Ron Stringer hosting a Clara Bow screening room in the boydello back room. Ron is very knowledgeable about everything, so of course it was a delight to have him and his date Melissa Faust in the house. Melissa is just an adorable cutiepie.
Little Jorge was my bathtub gin baby and he is so nice and tiny that he fit perfectly in the tub. Oh and Shannon of the Montrose Hills also performed a rap tap number that had everyone shrieking with delight. Justin Bartha that kid who stars with JLo and Ben "DickPig" Affleck in that sad new movie Gigli was falling head over heals for pretty Shannon. I was also introduced to some handsome writer named Joshua Furst and this gorgeous hunky aussie thespian named Julian McMahon who is on some TV show called Nip/Tuck that must be about plastic surgery. Darren Stein, the Jawbreaker director who has this new movie that is making the festival circuit and getting raves was also running about with a hot well endowed Brazilian and some equally stacked latinos. That Darren is everything i like in a Jewish man. I'd sure like to eat his hole out. I'd spend hours just slobbering and decorating it in love. The rock star quotient was Sune Rose Wagner and Sharrin Foo of Denmark's Raveonettes. i love scandanavians.
I should get the lo down on everyone else who was there by Monday or Tuesday. I need to wear my glasses so i can recognize people.
The heat wave continues. Its very unpleasant. Went to the tired Arclight to escape the heat and saw the film Le Divorce with Kate Hudson. It was a nice cute diversion. Nothing deep. Some attractive young french boys. one in particular i remember coming to Bricktops a few weeks ago. He's hotter in person then he photographs. i don't remember his name.
Crepe Suzette organized a bunch of us going to The Hollywood Forever Cemetary screening of the Spiral Staircase starring Dorothy McGuire and a dagger doodle Ethel Barrymore. What an event. Saw so many people i knew like Bryan Rabin and Seven McDonald, plus lots of hot hunky boys. It was wonderful being amidst the corpses and tomb stones. Daddy Athey made delicious steak and chicken sandwiches. I felt stupid forgetting to bring some vino.
Lots of cute boys abounded. Some of the boys were a little too precious, but that didn't matter. Our group included Dave Harrow who i just collaborated on a music project that will soon be released in England and Cyril and Karen and Jim of Animal Charm, the great Udo Kier and some Palm Springs mid century furniture couple consisting of a cute young latino and an older ginger headed ex Catalina Video Porno star. Oh the life i lead.
Afterwards me and Daddykins Athey stayed up to past midnight chit chatting and gossiping, then i left and was walking down Sanborn Hill to Sunset to take the autobus back home when i got cruised and picked up by some little funny looking man from New York who was renting a $1500 one bedroom apartment. I think he was scared of me, so he didn't invite me inside but took me to the rooftop which was better because it was still very warm and it was exciting getting off in the cool night air. This dimunitive man was nothing to write home to grandma about, but i was hornpiggy and he basically serviced "The Doll" so a fun time was had by this ladykins, though it took forever to get home by bus. Ran into little Brian Baltin trolling Le Barcito for drunken tricks to molest. Sweet thing.
Got this note from Professor Jennifer Doyle who is still in the South of France. She won't be back till September. god bless her.
your weekly run-downs of bricktops are the only thing that make me
wish i was home!
next time you see one of the hansen boys, pass on my number. i need
a skinny floppy haired husband for when i get back.
i'm staying here longer - it's good for my work, i'm making steady
progress and so, alas, won't return to LA until sept. 11th.
but god knows when i do get back i'm going to be down for any
adventure we can dream up!
so, who's been dj'ing in my absence? how is it going at bricktops?
I hate that i missed the I VANT TO BE ALONE night.
Not much to report here -
It's of course the big heat wave - so nobody has any clothes on.
I'm still having the affair with uncle (which is really, technically
an affair since he never broke up with girlfirend - he lied about his
status knowing I'd never knowingly go to bed with an
But when I got back from venice he was apparently so torn up with
guilt about lying to dear ole me that he fessed up. He was sure, I
guess, that I'd cry or get angry something. But of course I laughed
- having just come off my night of venitian debauchery I hardly cared
whether or not he was attached.
But it freed me up a bit to enjoy other side projects without guilt
(Luderic, from Lyon, who I played with one afternoon - nothing great
to report there, really).
Honestly, I've been withdrawing a bit of late, though, focusing on
work and a friend who is visiting.
Plus, a real scene was emerging on the street in front of my house
here - with every horny boy in town knocking on my door, leaving me
presents, trying to coax me out of the house. I think I'm the only
single woman over 15 within a day's drive.
The only promise I made to myself is to go for the 20 year old Johan
whom I've long adored - just once before I leave just to see what
might happen. I want to deflower him.
So, that's all - please report on life there...
Missing you as always,
.: posted by Vaginal Davis 2:43 PM