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Speaking From the Diaphragm

The Vaginal Davis Blog

. . .From the Counsel of Inter-Continental Balistic Principalities

Saturday, June 07, 2003

Received over 20 emails from fans in Birmingham, England and London thanking me for "Visions of Excess" the endurance performance event I co-curated with Ron Athey for the Fierce Festival. A lot of these people said they cried during Ronís performance piece "The Solar Anus" Ron was shaking like he was epileptic as he rammed the giant dildos connected to his high heels up his asstrovar. The highly charged music that goes with the piece really illicits a vibro response from an audience. It was the perfect way to end the performance section of the festivities that evening though the party out of bounds portion raged on until the sun shone brightly.

Its now official, Ron and I are being invited back to England to scout locations for a UK Tour. Wow. Iím really excited.

Bricktops Friday was full of surprises. The first came in the form of Pat Loud of the famous Loud family and her husband. For those of you too young to remember. The Loud Family which included gay son Lance, were part of TV history in the early 70s when they were followed by a documentary crew for PBS. The series is the procurser to todays reality TV shows, albeit a much smarter variant. Lance Loud was a a dear friend of mine and died a few years ago. He and his mother would throw some of the most marvelous dinner parties you could imagine at their small house on Fountain Avenue. The attendees were some of the smartest, most creative and enfluential people of all the 14 continents of the southwestern world. Before Lance died he brought his estranged parents back together and it was incredible having them at my soiree. They came to see Kristian Hoffman perform. Kristian and Lance formed the great band The Mumps, which was one of NYCís first punk bands and one of my all-time favorite bands. Kristian told me that Pat saw the original Bricktop perform in New York right before she died, and Mrs. Loud who was looking quite stunning told me that I remind her of Bricktop, because Bricktop had swollen legs and wore little tiny slippers, and I was wearing little tiny ballet slippers before changing into heels for the show. I even had a swollen knee.
Howís that for a hot tidbit? Kristian put on a dynamic performance as is his usual standard, he is a great showman. It was also fantastic seeing Joe Berardi of the Fibonnaciís on percussion. The evening began with another surprise, a visit from Tom and Aldo from Budapest, Hungary who played some lovely atmosphere music on guitar and mandolin. Mr. UnCertain was also in top form and I did a 20s version of The Nymphs "Sad and Damned". Iíve always loved that song and was quite close to Inger Lorre during her modeling days when she first formed the band with Bobby Belltower who lived in the famous Karnak Apt building with me back in the 80s----gosh those were fun times. I partied hearty at the Karnak which was built in the 20s by Paramount Pictures to house their young ingenues. Paramount built several Egyptian themed apartments in the area. The Karnak was the best kept and I lived there for 1 year and 9 months along with my Afro Sister,"Pop That Cherry" Jefferson before some carpetbagger bought the building and paid us all to move so he could gentrify it. Donít let me get started about being gentrified out of a building.
It was also great seeing Bryan Rabin who has become the #1 party planner to the stars and studios, and Richard Velasco wearing quite the dapper outfit. The other celebutantes making the Bricktops scene:
Charlieís Angels designer Michael Schmidt dressed like a sexy Public Enemy #1, "Jailbait" Velasquez of Cholita fame, the most important woman on the planet Bibbe Hansen with young Chicano hubby and filmmaker Sean Carillo, big fat tittied actress Jennifer Connelly(A Beautiful Mind) who requested a Lilian Roth tune, and that hunky sizzle of an actor Jeremy Sisto who I wouldnít mind spending a few days scarfing out his ripe bunghole. Oh and the last surprise was seeing my former LA Weekly colleage Ben Adair who is now working for NPR. I adore cute bubble butted Ben and it was nice meeting his girlfriend and their posse. I hope they make Bricktops their regular hang. Oh and donít let me forget the Zurich, Switzerland brigade of Babs, Cyril, Kara Hunger & Company.

Iíve gotten a lost of requests to see my Bricktops playlist, so here is a partial of that said listina:

"Bilbao" Weba Garretson and the Eastside Sinfionetta
"Avalon" Al Jolsen
"Papa De Da Da" Vernel Bagneres from "One Mo Time"
"Waltz For Stella" The Acres
"Clap Hands Here Comes Charlie" Ben Vereen from "Funny Lady Soundtrack"
"Yonder Over There" Glen Meadmore, from his album "Hot Horny and Born Again"
"Matinee Idol" Rufus Wainwright
"How Far Away Are the Stars?" Victor Banana
"Canít Help Loving That Man" Helen Morgan original Broadway cast album of "Showboat"
"The Hate Song" Abby Travis
"Single Girl, Married Girl" Pleasure Box from the Carter Family Tribute Album
"Nobody" Bert Williams
"Mountain Greenery" Janet Klein and her Parlour Boys
"Leave it to Jane" Leave It To Jane Soundtrack
"The Laughing Policeman" Charles Penrose with Orchestra From Childrens Songs of the 20s
"I Love Louisa" Fred Astaire
"La Petite Tonkinese" Josephine Baker
"Small Apart" Nora Keyes


.: posted by Vaginal Davis 1:42 PM


Thursday, June 05, 2003

i am so absentminded. i forgot to mention that when my plane landed at London's Heathrow Airport it was greeted by a squadron of police. The only explaination the captain gave us was that an incident happened on board.
The other evening i was treated to a superbulous dinner at Capanile on LaBrea Avenue by Dr. Jennifer Doyle of UC Riverside. Dr. Doyle is such a sweet and great lady. I had never dined at the restaurant before and i must say that the service was impeccable. The hostess and waiters doted on us, and we definately did not look as well kept as the other westside diners who are their regular toasted butter. I was surprised that they didn't look down upon us, and later in the evening a few other funky looking people showed up for dinner and were also given good service. I ordered the asparagus soup and the porterhouse steak and we shared the most exquisite bottle of wine, plus a fantagled dessert. Our waiter was a tall square jawed actor type who under normal circumstances would be all squishy and precious, but i couldn't help but like him even though at first i didn't want to. The real beauty of the place was a latin line cook with full suck-u-lent lips that both me and Dr. D. were lusting over. On our way out we even told the nice hostess that he was the beauty prize of the place and needed a spotlight on him.
Today i had lunch with Jose Montana who is a production designer and art director for big budgeted commercials. He rode his bike down from Echo Park and we walked over to 1st and Vigil to eat at Picholine which is one of my favorite places in LA. The cute tall gangly guy was working the counter. It was so marvelous eating there and we even had some chocolate for desert. The desert chef was the most delightful older french man. He was very charming and a bit sexy as well. I gather he is a bit of a dinge queen as he made a point of saying that he loved the "dark" chocolate. I even bought a box of chocolates for Daddy Athey, since he has such the sweet tooth.
It was nice getting together with Jose. I haven't seen him since that time we booth went to 1001 Arabian Nights the hybrid Latin Oddysey, and Gay Middleeastern Nite at Rudolpho's Cantina on Fletcher and Riverside in Silverlake. I dragged lord andrew and Lenny the young elder there last saturday. The Belly dance Review is amazing. But they play too much circuit party music in trying to be something for everyone. Its not someplace i'll go every month since it does cost $15 with a buffet, but every now and then its fun to see a lot of people and be around a scene where i don't know anyone. I fell in love with middleeastern pop music when Marcu and Daniela took me to Salon Oriental in Berlin.

.: posted by Vaginal Davis 5:06 PM


Sunday, June 01, 2003

Back from Birmingham. What a success. Our event was denounced by a conservative member of Parliament who said that Ron and I need to seek medical attention for our depravity. You canít buy that kind of press. We really took Missy mother england by storma. Birmy is an odd little town. I like it better than london, well London is really tired now. Oh did I say that? Yes Iíve officially proclaimed London tired. It was so bizarre to work on Visions of Excess for so long and have it be this idea on paper then have it officially materialize. The best thing was at the technical meeting at the hotel bar when all of the artist converged together. The regular business people and gay pride guests were spooked. It certainly was lovely having Judy Labruce, who premiered a clip from his new movie Rasberry Reich, which is going to put him in line for one day receiving a Mrs. Oscar. Plus one of my best girlfriends in all the world, Glenn Belverio aka Glennda Orgasm who was my celebrity guest DJ,and Kembra from the Voluptuous Horror of Karen Black, who is always pure perfection. And of course they all are giant talents who really made the festivities shine.

Also Slava, the Russian art star and his cute modern dancer Dutch beau Raoul, whose dance company is doing a residency in Cardiff. All the Velvet Hammer Girls: Michelle Hell, Hope and Selene really sparkled!!!!! The Birmy rock crowd were hypnotized by the bewitching sensuality of the Velvets. It seems like England is going through a retro grunge look that isnít very appealing.
I think the Velvet Hammer girls all had major ms. Gorgeous crushes on sexy Slovenian artist Davide Grassi whose colonoscopy video installation was a huge hit. Marrisa Carnesky did a take on Blue of Noon as a nasty fortune telling tattoed naked lady in a glass cage. I can't wait to see her perform at UCLA's Royce Hall.

Irish lovely Kira OíReilly did a very intimate one-on-one installation involving a glass of sherry and blood, while her spirited mother Liz warmed everyoneís heart with her showboating. Lee Adams aka: Sexmutant gave it his all as a human vase with a bouquet of flowers stuck up his asstrovar. He even wound up passing out in the name of art. What a fantastic trooper he is!!!!

Udo Kier showed everyone just why he is an international film star and dogma darling with his impersonation of Bataille. Only Udo would want to do an installation based on Batailleís fued with Jean Paul Sartre and Genet. It was really a coup to have him take part in the event considering he was very busy filming a movie and also making an elegant appearance at the Canne Film Festival with Lars Von Trier and Nicole Kidman.
Everything about Visions was nearly perfect. Such a contrast with working with the tired Outfest film festival. Oh did i call them tired? Arenít I mean? Lets just put it this way, "Some of us arenít able"
I was really impressed with the Birmingham Noir kids who did a take on Literature and Evil
and worked diligently as a collective. Ann Marie Pope of Fierce Earth organized them all and thank god for her. No one rocks like Ms. Ann Marie.

Right before the opening of Visions, me and Daddy and Davide and the Velvets went to the Catapult Club at this pub called The Jug of Ale to see one of the cute Birmy Noir boys, Greg
perform with his new band Palomar.He use to have this band called Baxter that was really hot, but they broke up.One of the other Baxter boys, Steve who is also the most adorable sex pud with a fresh face and tight little body was performing with his new combo The Vests. I really enjoyed both bands, and I havenít liked seeing rock music in a long, long time. The Vests are similar to The Streets who are this critically acclaimed English rap band. Of course the Vests are the real deal, and the lead singer is hysterically funny and they have these two muslim girl go-go dancers wearing school uniforms that makes it even iller. Steve is the drummer and boy can he pound the skins. He is also a little bit of a ginger head and I used him in my Fair to Midland Concubine installation. He was very uninhibited. Shall I say more? No I shant.

We even got some celebrities to attend Visions, namely Ms. Lady Victoria Posh Spice and her handsome cornrow headed hubby David Beckham, who broke his thumb playing
soccer in South Afrika.

Gillian Anderson of X Files fame who was in town for some Zembla magazine launch but got bored of that and decided to check out Visions as well. She got down with Steve, my hornriffic concubine.
Iím just too scared of that Missy Gillian. The girl really knows how to let loose. My co-host Dell, who does this sweet little act called Penii Origami, tied his big Willis in a knot and he and Gill went to town up in Bruce La Bruceís Trial of Gille de Rais installation.

On Tuesday morning that gemstone, Lady Anna drove me to the Gatwick Aeroport for my long trip back home. Canít wait till Anna comes visiting LA in July. She is such a fun girl and we instantly became best girlfriends.

Thank god I didnít have to suffer in a cramped seat next to some crying designer baby on my flight back to Los Ang. I had lots of legg room and plenty of boy eye candy in short shorts to oogle.

Of course there is no rest for the wickedly impaired. I had to get back in the swing of things immediately all jet lag or no jetlag. Rehearsed with Mr. Uncertain for Bricktops and decided to sing a modern Negro Spiritual that I wrote called "Tyrone the Baptiste". Mr. Un was also doing an original song. We work so well together and are always on the same page. Lord Andrew told me that last week while I was away in England that Troy Garity, the sexy actor son of Jane Fonda and Tom Hayden came by and made all the girls swoon. I wish I had a TV so I could see Troy in that cable movie where he plays a soldier who gets killed for having a tranny girlfriend.

Back at Bricktops and it feels good to be home. I really do get an appreciation of Los Ang when I have my gigs elsewhere. It seems like everyone missed and appreciated me. The crowd was loud and boisterous and everyone seemed to be having a good olde fashion time. Some cute young kids came who could really do the fox trot. I loved watching them dance. Mr. Un was in high form. He has really developed into a top rate talent. I wasnít bad either and I didnít get too drunk. How's that for professionalism. I even went into a bit of a rap between songs about how that tired casting person for the Will and Grace show wanted me to audition to play the genre stretching part of a sassy black drag queen. I donít even own a TV so, why would I want to be on some god awful gay situation comedy?

Celebutants this week at Bricktops: Bull dagger pop star Pink, Chris Martin of the band Coldplay with his lady friend, my good girlfriend Gwyneth. Also the surfer/rocker Jack Johnson who is mighty fine and even complimented me on my singing. He said I exude such strength and emotion when I sing. All I could think about was that he was either high or drunk, because Iím not much of a songbird. Hahahahahaha, but Iíd sure like to take a swigger on his peterfication.

Sunday Afternoon-I got so many emails from people asking for the text for one of my Bricktop shows that Iíve decided to include it here along with the English translation. Enjoy.

Dios de Gritos

Porque me renuncias
Porque me renuncias
Pinche Mayate feya desgraciada!
Eres una qualqiera, un pedaso de excremente.
Como te atravese cojer a otros dioses en me precencia
Veras mi poder y te are un grano de sal
Y tu nieto el mister quien sabe que! El maricon de los maricones!
Que busqa su mochila de vergas.
Pero por que me molesto con una puta, una puta estupida
Con su apeste tan fatale que me llegar asta el cielo.

Why have you forsaken me?
Why have you forsaken me?
you tired ugly black thing
you whore
what a filthy putrid piece of excrement you are
how dare you lie down with other gods and worship them before me
I should strike you down and turn you into a pillar of salt
you and that little faggot grandson of yours whatever his name is,
he is a faggots faggot and needs a new bag of dicks

why do I even bother with you
whore, whore
stupid fucking idiotic whore
you smell so bad that the stench
reaches me all the way up here in the heavens


.: posted by Vaginal Davis 2:53 PM